CS: Good morning and thanks for meeting with us through Zoom.
CV: Sure...I wish it was in person...
CS: Yeah, we don't...so lets get started...where did you come from?
CV: Ahhh getting right to the heart of the matter...you're talking about some rumors...
CS: Are they true?
CV: You mean that I was created in a lab passed from vial to vial, animal to animal then back to a vial and dropped in a wet market in China and force fed to a few unsuspecting animals and a couple of drunk shoppers?
CS: Yes
CV: I know not of what you speak....
CS: What makes you so difficult to track and stop?
CV: Donald Trump
CS: Are you here to stay or are you a flash in the pan?
CV; I think I am a flash in the pan that is here to stay but that really is not my call...
CS: Whose call is it?
CV: (Mouthing words no sound)
CS: CV it looks like you are on mute.
CV: Sorry...I'm new to zoom...not a fan...really need people in the same room to properly inf...communicate.
CS: Do you have an opinion on who might be the one who ultimately defeats you?
CV: I think it could be that Darlene lady in Ozark...she is one scary you know what....
CS: Will you indulge us and play some word association?
CV: Sure...
CS: Jared Kushner
CV: Evil, vampire, zombie, that guy you hate in every action movie, assh...
CS: One word CV one word...
CV: Douchebag
CS: Donald Trump
CV: You think I came from a lab?? Sorry...Enabler
CS: Remdesivir
CV: Party Crasher
CS: Mario Cuomo
CV: Formidable
CS: Bill DeBlasio
CV: Comedian
CS: Dr. Fauci
CV: Smart Lil' Focker
CS: Mike Pence
CV: Mannequin
CS: Joe Biden
CV: Never heard of him...
CS: You changed your name from Corona Virus To COVID-19 why?
CV: Did anyone ever ask Prince why he changed his name??
CS: Yes many times...
CV: Fine! COVID is easier to spell than Corona Virus...
CS: Your image is everywhere...how does that make you feel?
CV: I like it but I am getting ready to file a lawsuit against Ohio State University for using my image without permission...
CS: You mean the buckeye logo?
CV: That is really COVID-19!! How else could a "school" be hated by so many?
CS: You used air quotes around school...why?
CV: Really??
CS: You have created an economic mess...any thoughts there?
CV: I'd be long Gold.
CS: Have you been flying at all?
CV: Yes! I have been on many flights...seen a lot of places here and around the world.
CS: Are you honoring social distancing? If so how do you pass the time?
CV: A bit...I get tired too...I have done some binge watching...watched Contagion like fifty times. I am working on a cookbook..."Cooking with The Vid"....catchy title I think...I like catchy things.
CS: Care to share a recipe?
CV: No but suffice to say you'll need some hard to find mammals...
CS: If you are defeated what will you remember most about this time?
CV: That wet market...so gross...and Tiger King....loved that show.
CS: Thanks for joining us and please don't take offense but we hope we never see you again.
CV: None taken...next time let's do this in person....
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