Tuesday, May 19, 2020

"New" Normal with COVID-19 Varies By State/Venue

As much of the country begins to reopen and deal with "The New Normal" whatever that is...there are varying degrees of thought on just what "Normal" could be during the COVID-19 crisis. ConlinSense examined a few locations and venues to get a peak at our future.


Florida: Most of us know that Florida issued a "Safer at Home" order on March 28th at 10AM Eastern and then declared victory over COVID-19 at 10:58 AM that same day. Florida's "New Normal?" Same as it ever was.

Michigan: Who knew Michigan's tourism industry would get a boost from stay at home protesters? Michigan functions like four states in one; Detroit, Grand Rapids and the Western Counties (GRWC), "The Privileged Cities" (TPC) including Charlevoix, Traverse City and Harbor Springs also known as "The Newport of The Midwest" and The UP or that place you don't go unless you lose a bet.

Each "State" has different levels of infection and priorities. Detroit has a high case load and wants sports back as long as it isn't The Lions. GRWC has a lower case rate and wants to build a wall just before Kalamazoo. TPC has very few cases and wants to make sure its' golf, boating and Talbot's clothing seasons are not interrupted. They are mixed on the Annual Cherry Festival happening on schedule but there is still time. The UP has invited the protesters to settle there but so far there are no takers. At last check it was snowing on Mother's Day. Many protesters assumed they were in Wisconsin.

Michigan's Governor who has made national headlines primarily because President Trump dislikes her (or does he?) has made it clear to everybody that Michigan's reopening will be...unclear, disjointed and generally confusing.

New York, New Jersey, Connecticut: These three states formed an alliance and now have their Governors caught up in an awkward three person square dance with the added confusion of having Andrew Cuomo as their spokesman. New York is opening upstate which means Manhattan is not. That means Bill de Blasio gets to keep interrupting perfectly good TV to provide his daily briefings where he contradicts ninety percent of what the Governor says. His "signer" is the highlight of those briefings if that provides any context.

Connecticut:  They plan to open on March 20th primarily because the upper crust in Westport were "Absolutely not going to stand in line at Traders Joe's one more damn minute thank you very much." Also, many claimed to be suffering from "A severe lack of beach time on the sound at Compo." Sensing an even greater crisis, Governor Lamont quickly eased restrictions. Restaurants will be open with limited capacity (which means Cos Cob residents cannot go to Greenwich) and No one can go to New Canaan unless they were born there. Proof required.

New Jersey: Led by Governor Phil Murphy, New Jersey continues to have a high infection rate and an even higher rate of assholes. Regardless, New Jersey will open up in some form or fashion within the next few days and suffice to say everyone will be pissed about something.

California: Governor Newsom has pledged to open the state as quickly and as safely as possible...there is just one problem...no one there cares. It appears most workers have become used to the free money, no work, smoke weed all day routine...and that was before COVID-19. With no need to take a sick day they just sleep in and pretend they are up north in Washington. To make matters worse for the Governor, a number of tech companies have told their employees they no longer have to come to work at the office. Ever. As in Ever again. Ever, Ever again. Ever. This means a loss in real estate taxes as well as income tax as many of these people who did not actually live in California before the announcements will make it "official" and change their mailing addresses.

South Carolina: See Florida.

Restaurants with Mannequins: We get it...kind of. Restaurants will need to be practicing social distancing so why not use mannequins to create space and give the appearance of the restaurant being full? Um...because it is CREEPY that's why! Nothing says I'll have what she's having better than a stiff body with stiffer hair and dark eyes that never blink. Why stop there? If you need to enforce people keeping their distance, why not just put caged rabid animals in the seats next to your customers...a foamy mouthed Badger could be just the trick to up those dessert sales. Or...you could just remove some tables and move the others further apart...just a thought...

Air Travel: What was bad will get worse...or will it? Before COVID there were crowded airports, crowded lines to get through security, crowded gate waiting areas and of course crowded planes. Additionally, people were impatient, brought food on the plane that was not appropriate for crowds (think vegetable curry but purchased at an airport) and generally behaved as if they only cared about themselves...which was true. Now, there will be fewer people, shorter lines and more space on the planes. Sounds like a win...except for the whole "You could contract an incurable virus that could make you feel awful for a few weeks, severely debilitate you long term or just flat out kill you  thing." Yes, we think air travel will be much better.

Amtrak: Right. Sorry. No one used Amtrak before...why now?


Stadiums: With Sports threatening to open up without fans we wondered what would happen to all of those multi-million dollar stadiums. That remains to be seen. For certain teams (Detroit...all teams, New York; Giants, Jets, Mets, Knicks, Cleveland; Browns) an empty stadium will feel like we are back to normal.

Offices: What are those?

Yes, we are all about to enter a "new normal." Stay safe, be well and after you exit that train, say hello to that mannequin at lunch. We recommend the vegetable curry...and advise against petting the animals.

No comments:

Post a Comment