Depending on where you live in The United States you are somewhere between one to four weeks of the COVID-19 social distancing requirements. Unless of course you live in Florida where they social distanced for roughly eleven hours and called it quits. And, while everyone tries to deal with their "New normal" people are handling this in very different ways. But before we examine how various groups are coping, let's explore what we call...The Four Stages of Social Distancing.
The first stage is known as "Snow Day Excitement". You know that feeling...you get an unexpected holiday out of nowhere and love the idea that you get to sleep in on a weekday. It has a little bit of a lottery win feel to it albeit short lived. With the first "Shelter in Place Orders" many impacted Americans secretly rejoiced...at least at first.
Stage two is called "Is This Really Happening?" This stage is marked by people nervously laughing as they attend their work zoom meetings in their pajamas, shower every other day and sheepishly bring their Amazon packages in while wearing hazmat suits. This stage is also identified with an increase in drinking via zoom cocktail parties. People generally enjoy themselves in this stage.
Stage three is often referred to as "The New Normal" but others call it "Full on Binge Drinking Time." Regardless, people in this stage realize this isn't ending anytime soon and frankly don't care. Personal hygiene, overall civility and work ethic drop dramatically. Think of most of the characters in Tiger King. Sleep increases and newly created family rituals now degenerate into constant bickering, some screaming and even an occasional crying fit. Exercise routines are abandoned in favor of eating all the baked goods made over the past two weeks.
Stage Four is "Bat Shit Stir Crazy With A Touch of Hair Trigger Anger." In this stage people actually wish they could go back to work. Husbands would readily agree to attend any event their wives suggested just to leave the house and wives move from plotting their husbands demise to putting their plans into action. Fortunately with social distancing hit men are in short supply as they too are locked up. Also Amazon's focus on toilet paper means opioids are very hard to have delivered. Drinking begins at any point in the day and no one questions the behavior.
Experts say it is not unusual to go between stages two and four over the course of any given week.
Below are some commonly known groups and what stage(s) they tend to gravitate towards.
Helicopter Parents - You all know this group. They cannot get enough of their kids lives. They live vicariously through their children. For the most part the idea of totally controlling their children in close quarters keeps them squarely in Stage one. However, there are times during the week..mostly weekends when they quickly hit stage four due to the lack of kids sporting events taking place.
Workaholics - This group is conflicted. They immediately bypass stage one as they will do ANYTHING to work. They drift between stage two and three. They quickly realize they can now work constantly but may not be noticed by their co-workers and boss. This concerns them so they tend to be the "over zoomers" sending out frequent "Touch point" meetings simply to secure face time with the boss. Speaking of Face Time they do that too. They are also the "last worders/Repeaters of points already made." Once their "Just one more thing" comments in a meeting already ten minutes over are met with blank stares..they hit stage four.
Sports fans - This group stays in stage one for an extended period of time as they can watch old reruns of basically any sport they want. Many fall back in time and forget the game is not live adding to their stay in stage one. The gambling group however has been having a very hard time and many have hit the rare stage five of "Making Deals With God." Prayers increase and promises that will never be kept are made.
Couples - There are various groupings here.
Those with children under twelve: This group at first welcomes the family time but after realizing they really only see their kids awake for 4-8 hours per day they quickly waffle between stage three and four. Those with children under four hit stage five as well and yes they make those promises too.
Those with Children over twelve...teens really. They hit stage four well before the social distancing orders were announced and remain soundly there throughout.
Those without children hover in stages two and three occasionally dabbling in stage four until they call their friends with children...at which point they move swiftly back into stage one.
Then there are the empty-nesters whose children return home to shelter in place. They move through each stage on a daily basis. Their new found freedom is interrupted with a return to being a short order cook and full time dish washer. Yet there are brief moments where their near adult children appear to realize their parents are profoundly wise...this usually happens when their children make a swift money grab. Empty-nesters hold out hope that even a slight lifting of restrictions will return them to their "next stage in life" and usually text their congressmen two to three times a day to offer ways that might happen.
Floridians - Everyone knows Florida has a bit of a reputation as having some, well...crazies as part of their population. What no one knew is if you locked them all up at home you would discover most were actually crazy. On-line searches for ballistic missiles "To shoot at Georgia or an unruly neighbor" skyrocketed as did requests to be the "President of the bad guys in Ozark fan club." Both led the Governor to lift the restrictions before the ink had dried on his executive order.
The White House - Clearly missing having The President Golf this group has reached the unheard of stage six known as "Screw it...we give up...let him talk to the press." Most in this group have sheltered in place at home since mid-March and find their lives actually more stable and relaxed. They also don't feel missed at work...because they aren't. They dread the lifting of the restrictions and when thinking about it land right back at stage five....except their deals are not with God.
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