President Trump on Friday while frequently touching his face and occasionally appearing to sniffle, announced that he is officially declaring the Corona Virus Crisis "A National Emergency." Despite uttering three words he added..."Two very big words." In a rambling and choreographed news conference Trump sought to put the nation at ease after his Wednesday evening address from the oval office appeared to shut down every major sporting league and event nationwide.
Flanked by executives of major retail and healthcare companies Trump allowed each of them twelve seconds to make a statement before grabbing back the microphone at the podium, touching it frequently and then shaking hands with each terrified CEO. According to aides the purpose was to "Calm the american people that The President and the Federal Government are all over this crisis...the unintended consequence is that he may have infected ten of the top CEO's in the country with the virus..." The stock market shrugged off this possibility and went up 1,985 points..."A very good number and year for that matter...much better than 1984"...according to the President.
During a lengthy question and answer session, The President was repeatedly asked about the virus and testing delays. Said the President: "Look no one likes taking tests...I don't... you don't unless you are strange and you appear to be strange...very strange...and Covid-19 doesn't like to take tests either. When someone or something doesn't want to take a test chances are they won't do well on that test...so...next question." Trump was then asked why he referred to the corona virus as Covid-19...his answer was vintage Trump..."The corona virus or Covid-19 and I have a very good relationship. We've gotten to know each other quite a bit here lately and He or "IT" said I could call him Covid. I call him Covid-19 in case, you know 15 or 17 is around...so there's no confusion."
A reporter from Brazil asked if the President intended to get tested since it appeared he had infected the Brazilian President earlier in the week. The President had this to say..."I don't like tests unless I have been given the answers so we are working on getting me the answers...but the Brazilian President does not know Covid-19 like I do so it's possible he was infected but not by me...you'd have to take that up with "19."
Reporters persisted asking why more tests had not been conducted...The President: "We are working on more testing despite, as I said earlier, Covid's reluctance...but I will say this and the american people should be on the lookout for this...we are looking for many, many positive tests...many...and that's a good thing...we could use some positive news right now so these tests, these beautiful tests should bring a lot of positive tests and that is what we need...some positive news."
Trump then dismissed the press conference and headed out to Florida where he was scheduled to tour a quarantined cruise ship. He invited the CEO's but most appeared to be ill and declined.
When awakened from his nap, Democratic front runner Joe Biden jumped up startled and said "Whatever Trump said...The opposite."
- Please note...this is how I deal with stressful news...please don't be offended.
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