Thursday, October 23, 2014

Ebola Crisis Widens as Virus Changes Course*

As the world continues to wrestle with fears both real and imagined regarding the Ebola Crisis, the most recent news regarding the virus had actually been upbeat…until today. The level of media hysteria had recently leveled off and then when there was something “newsy” to report, it was actually good news. Media outlets realized that most of the news of the crisis here was well…old news and not very interesting. Watching the same thing for three weeks like repeated scenes of people attempting to put on protective equipment from an old 1996 “Working With Bleach” safety video just weren't creating the fears the media so desired. Nor were interviews with people “Who thought they might write a book about some crazy disease coming over here but haven’t gotten around to it yet”.

So when a new, alarming development surfaced today that was sure to raise the level of fear among not only adults but children as well…news organizations across the country jumped for joy.

As usual CNN was the first to break the news (between back to back segments covering the still missing Malaysian airliner and the Working with Bleach video) here is what they said during the afternoon show “If there isn’t Any News We’ll Make Some”:

“We have just learned there is a shocking new twist in the Ebola crisis that we are sure everyone will want to pay close attention to…even Wall Street is watching this one. It appears that Ebola has crossed over into the Business community.” More specifically, Ebola announced today at a sparsely attended press conference that “Ebola is suing Disney for Trademark Infringement and also for “Trying to capitalize on our well established, highly recognizable brand.” In a statement, the company acknowledged that “We are indeed being sued by Ebola in Federal Court but the charges are baseless, unfounded and frankly we are just sick over this.” The company vowed to “Fight this with all available resources”; which appeared to be limited as reportedly no lawyer is willing to get within a thousand yards of Ebola to interview it.

At the press conference, Ebola cited this microscopic slide view as evidence that Disney had stolen their Logo. ”Clearly you can see where they got the mouse ears idea and while they were careful to hide that rodent’s tail, we are investigating whether we should sue men for “borrowing” the other part of the logo to repopulate the world…something we are opposed to at this time as this is in direct competition with our work.”

Ebola continued: “It is clear that given our continued attachment to more and more people across the world, Disney felt it had to “Adapt and morph a bit more” and start to rebuild its image. We all know that starts with revamping the brand and in this case, they started with a new logo.”  When told by a reporter through a bullhorn some 300 yards away that Disney’s logo was not “new” Ebola responded by asking the reporter to come closer because he was difficult to hear. The reporter declined citing an upcoming cruise reservation.

“Our logo continues to reach out and really impact people and Disney knows not as many people are dying to see them like they are with us. They have clearly tried to capitalize on the recognition we have with our brand and we will not sit back and just go away quietly. In fact, after this press conference we will be heading out on a nationwide tour to spread the word.”

Disney, fearing reprisals has said while they will fight this in court, they are willing to have their animation team develop “A new, more family friendly logo for Ebola.”

The company presented some early drafts that apparently Ebola was considering…


The Federal Government, reeling from its slow response to the crisis immediately scheduled hearings but was not contemplating a lawsuit ban “At this time”.  The CDC said, surprisingly “We never saw this coming but we still believe this won’t lead to any other lawsuits unless, of course, it does. We will continue to issue contradictory protocols frequently."

Reaction from the public has been mixed: “This certainly is concerning…I actually feel a little bad for Ebola…if this is true of course” Said a park attendee as he quietly removed the mouse ears hat from his daughter’s head.

CNN Planned to run the story “Until even we are tired of it...then we'll go back to "Working with Bleach".

* I hope no one is offended. If so…I apologize. This is how I deal with bad, sad, awful issues.