Thursday, March 6, 2014

Ellen’s Oscar Gags Have Ripple Effect…

Oscar Host Ellen DeGeneres did what anyone hosting the world’s most famous awards show would do…she set out to be entertaining; and for the most part she succeeded. But like many things in life, some of her antics had unintended consequences.

Take for instance her jab at Liza Minnelli; she basically said Minnelli looked like a man in drag. The line got a few laughs but apparently put a few celebrities “On edge”. One celebrity in particular who felt this way was John Travolta. It seems that as he made his way backstage to introduce Idina Menzel he ran into DeGeneres who, taking one look at his “plastic” appearance and bad dye job, jokingly called him “Liza”. The rest as they say is history. Travolta, still reeling from the verbal punch to the ego promptly butchered Idina’s name so badly (calling her what sounded like a late addition to the cast of Homeland) that a new word for botching names was invented…Travoltified.  Travolta who now appears to be destined for infamy for all the wrong reasons was later seen chatting at an after party with Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Don Cheadle and had this to say: “I admit, Alan rattled me back there when she called me…well whatever she called me. But here’s the thing, life goes on and I look around and see my good friends Bertle, Garrington and Dorf and I know this too will pass.

Ellen’s pizza ordering stunt also has had a lasting impact. Sure it was entertaining and nice to see that celebrities too can’t control themselves when pizza arrives, ultimately scorching the insides of their mouths…just like the rest of us (who still think they are in college). But with all the Oscar fanfare, pizza prices have skyrocketed. While expensive pizza is a common occurrence in California (A rumored dough tax is in the works), this is new to other parts of the country such as Springfield, Illinois. Mary McMiddleson: “Who knew celebrities ate pizza? Well now thanks to Ellen everyone does. That $5 anytime deal? It’s now $5.25. And now every driver actually expects a tip…”Thank You” isn’t enough anymore. Well to that I say…Thanks Ellen…thanks for ruining pizza.”

Lastly, Ellen’s famous “selfie” did more than just crash Twitter. Reports from Moscow say the “Incident” directly led to Vladimir Putin sending troops into Crimea. Putin, already miffed because he was not nominated for an academy award for the “Best Dictator Acting like He is Running a Democracy” category, reportedly became enraged that Ellen took credit for taking down Twitter. Putin, who according to his Facebook profile is “Genetically speaking…Old Schools”, did not want a woman appearing to be more powerful than him. Said Putin: “Showing me over in such a giant TV audience on the celebrity screening was an act of war…a war between the sexys”. He therefore invaded Crimea to show that he too could “Break things”.

Some pundits thought Putin was upset because he was not in the celebrity selfie  but Adreaov Kaustonia, an expert on Vladimir Putin (incidentally Putin appointed Kaustonia to the post in 2013) explained that “His Majesty never takes selfies with anyone but himself”. Putin who fancies himself quite “The man of theses ladies” later was heard saying he thought his actions were “Sure to get me date with that Leslie Travoltelli or at least I will host Oscar next year…”