Atlanta: February 11, 2014:
This is the second year that The Weather Channel has taken
to naming winter storms similar to the way the National Weather Service names
Hurricanes; only this year the idea has been met with mixed reviews. Among
those in favor of the idea is weather enthusiast Ethel Stevens of Maryland. “It
used to be that Bert and me…Bert’s my husband, anyway, Bert and me would sit
and watch the weather and get all kinds of confused.” Seems the repetitive
nature of the forecasts had Ethel and Bert thinking they were going to be hit
repeatedly by severe winter storm after severe winter storm, sometimes
apparently just minutes apart. “Now our all day weather watching sessions (she’s
a big fan of The Weather Channel) are much less stressful since we can keep
track of the storms by name. It used to seem like there was a storm coming
every five minutes.” It also saves them money. “I can’t tell you how many times
we had run off to the store to stock up on bread and milk only to come back
home and think to ourselves…we have to go back and get more.”
Another fan of the system is pet hoarder, Carol Fairlink of
Nebraska. “You wouldn’t leave a pet without a name would you…why should winter
storms be treated like something less than a loved one?” Fairlink for one,
thinks they haven’t gone far enough. “Why stop with winter storms? I mean, we
have lots of sunny days right? Sunny days are the direct result of high
pressure systems…so…why not name the high pressure systems? That way we could
say things like: Isn’t “Mr. Socks” nice bringing us this sunshine…I know I’d
like that,” Said Fairlink just before a
Humane Society tractor trailer arrived with a staff of five to “inspect”
her home.
But not everyone is happy with the change to naming the
storms. Republicans and Democrats are both opposed to the system…but for
different reasons. Said a spokesman for the Republican Party; “This has to be
some gimmick made up by the Democrats to push their agenda forward. Before long
they will be asking for all kinds of equal rights adjustments for these
previously unnamed storms and we all know what that leads to…higher taxes!” The
Democrats, apparently not aware of the Republican statement issued their own,
saying in part: “…this is just simply another baseless effort by the GOP to try
to undermine the Affordable Care Act. Everyone knows these storms don’t have
phones and don’t have access to computers…it will be a nightmare trying to get
them signed up for health insurance through an exchange. But we are working on a solution…one early
concept is to require The Weather Channel to offer these storms some sort of
coverage.”
Southerners too weighed in with many saying the naming
system was confusing citing “Not enough southern names.” Hank Wheeler of
Mississippi: “How are we supposed to know what kind of punch that storm is
gonna pack? Orion!? Means nothing to me…now Bud, Buford, Dwight, Eugene…I know
when those guys come around whether I need to duck or not.
The storms themselves have added to the negativity with many
of them playing an old fashioned game of one-upmanship and trash talk. Winter
storm Pax; “Unlike that wimp Nika, I will unleash my full force and fury night
and day. I’d stay home if I were you!
And Maximus?! Talk about a misnomer! Only Atlanta struggled and that happens
when the temps are below 70 with partly cloudy skies.”
For their part, The Weather Channel has defended its naming
system saying “Our research shows people care less about the accuracy of our
forecasts when the storms have names. It appears they just start to like the
storms regardless of what they do…that takes the heat off of us to be accurate.”
When asked about the next storm after Pax (Quintus by the way), a spokesman
explained why they had changed the name from “Putin”. “It just isn’t a name we associate with great
size or stature…People always giggle when they hear that name and assume it
will be much smaller than expected…”
CS
No comments:
Post a Comment