February 3, 2014: New Jersey
Sunday night’s Super Bowl failed to live up to all the hype
both on and off the field and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie seems to be
taking the brunt of the blame. Heavily hyped as a “New York” event, the game
was actually played at MetLife stadium in New Jersey and people around the
country began to pile on the Governor as the source of the problem.
On the field the Seattle Seahawks soundly defeated the
Denver Broncos and off the field the ad competition left many feeling what we
have all known for years…commercials really are a great time to grab a beer.
Not fifteen seconds into the game, the controversy started as the Broncos
snapped the ball past Peyton Manning’s head as he looked to see if he could
find his brother Eli in the crowd, resulting in a safety. Seconds later the
rumors had begun…at Brooklyn’s (yes
really) a famous Denver watering hole, word began to
spread that Christie had “Sent out an executive order prohibiting the use of
the word “Omaha” (Manning’s famous audible call) and instead was requiring everyone (including Manning) to
Say Piscataway. By the end of the
evening most in the bar agreed that Christie “Probably was behind the lane
closures on The George Washington Bridge” since to them it was clear “Denver
couldn’t score because Christie had closed all the passing lanes”. Throughout the evening Christie’s name came
up again and again for having done something wrong…with some even blaming him
for “A lack of appropriate winter weather.”
The now famous ad competition failed just as miserably as
the game this year…again with Christie taking most of the heat. In Govnr’s Park, another Denver
neighborhood haunt, patrons there too targeted Christie. “Throughout history,
even when the games have been snoozers, we could always count on the commercials
to keep us entertained” said Michael Nearbottom. “Not so this year and it’s that
Christie guy’s fault. I hear he controls everything in Jersey…even the
housewives”. By the middle of the second
quarter with such yawners as a body deodorant that prevented wars, a truck that
helps cattle breed and perhaps the scariest version of Danica Patrick ever
recorded, social media erupted with a collective chorus of boos and critiques,
most aimed relentlessly at the Governor. But when Christie was blamed for
Richard Sherman’s ankle injury he had clearly had enough. In a statement
released by the Governor’s office he had this to say:
“In the past few weeks I have been
the target of a left wing conspiracy to upend my Presidential ambitions. Yes,
there is some remote level of truth that my office was involved in the GW
Bridge Lane Closures but I was not involved in the outcome of Sunday night’s
game, the fur selection of Joe Namath or even that stupid rodent that sees his
shadow and brings on more ridiculously bad winter weather. With respect to
Richard Sherman’s leg injury…I am offended and outraged that people think me or
anyone in my office had anything to do with this. Clearly had we been involved
he would not have walked off the field.”
Even when Christie did nothing at all he was still the
target of fans ire. Said one Seattle fan after the halftime show…”I wish he had
closed the lanes on the bridges again so those Chili Peppers would have been
stuck in traffic…”
CS
No comments:
Post a Comment